Achieve Your Goals

Setting goals is something that we all do, but how many of us actually achieve them? Many people make plans and set goals, whether it's to lose weight or stop smoking or make more time to see their family and friends, but after a few weeks are making excuses about why they haven't got anywhere near to achieving their goal. I include myself in this, I am only human, but I found a way to overcome the pattern of setting goals but also setting myself up for failure. I am going to discuss how I aid my clients with motivational techniques, goal achievement, and realising their dreams and ambitions.

Every goal or ambition that a person has can be divided into sub-goals, which are smaller tasks that when completed in a specific order will help to create the bigger picture and lead to the achievement of the greater goal. The fact that these smaller tasks must be completed is the thing that puts many people off embarking on the journey to achieving their goal.

One of the tecniques that I use with my clients to help them achieve their goals is the 'Buts and Benefits' technique. A lot of the work that I do is visual and I do like to get my clients to write things down, draw things, and basically have something down on paper that can be referred to as not only a motivational tool, but also as something that can help the client to understand and analyse the nature of their issue. The 'Buts and Benefits' worksheet that I use with my clients involves them writing down their goal. For this I will use an example of a young lad aged about 18 years old who has the goal of learning to drive a car. From that the client must write down the 'big benefits' of them reaching their goal. They could be having independence from others, having more flexibilty, being able to drive to work, and being more easily able to visit friends. The client must then go on the 'medium benefits' that learning to drive would bring. Examples of these could be not relying on public transport, keeping up with friends, and the enjoyment of looking after a car. The final part of the benefits is for the client to write down what would be their 'little benefits'. They could include leaving for work later, being able to impress people of the opposite (or same) gender, and the fact that the client has a keen interest in cars and would therefore be able to indulge more in this interest. Writing down the benefits is obviously a motivational tool for the client. However, it is also important to write down the 'buts'. What is stopping the client from achieving their goal? So, we move on to writing down the 'big buts' which may include having to take lessons, fear of failure, the theory test, and worrying about others laughing if the client was to fail. Then come the 'medium buts' which may be the cost of lessons, getting a good car, affording a car that has credibility with friends, and dealing with parents moaning. The final step is to then write down the 'little buts'. These could include finding a good instructor, getting value for money, and the upkeep of the car.

So as a therapist, what would I take from this?

From the information that the client provides me with I can help the client to see the 'sub-goals' and sort them into order of priority. They will usually start with the biggest 'but'. This can be the sub-goal that initiates the solution to tackling the other obstacles. It is then my job to ensure that the 'benefits' seem far bigger and better than the 'buts'. So, referring back to my example of the 18 year old boy who wants to learn to drive:

Obviously for this person the main motivational energy block is fear of failure, so I would need to work with this client from a self esteem point of view. Maybe some of the client's friends failed their driving test first time round; maybe the fear of failure needs to be explored from a therapeutic level by investigating the past experience of the client. In the meantime I would explore all of those benefits in a motivational way, raising the game with enthusiasm and visualisation of the completion of their goal.

In fact the client will not be able to embark on the journey towards goal achievement if the sub-goals are or seem to the client to be insurmountable.; this situation would create conflicting emotions. The 'buts' in the sub-goals may be psychological or physical, they may be emotional or practical, but they will generally need to be dealt with in some way before the client can move on.

Our emotions can be powerful motivators as they start the process of thinking which we have to do in order to assess the priority of our sub-goals, as we cannot pursue all goals at once. If we did try to pursue all goals at once we would become inactive from the confusion of it all. For example, if you were out on the town and was desperately thirsty but had also seen a person you were really interested in, it would do you no good to rush to the bar, take a sip of drink and then rush back to the person for one sentence of conversation; again both goals would not be achieved. Ok, so the flaw in that example is that you could get a drink and then go over to the person with the drink in your hand, but I'm sure you get the meaning!

What must happen is to choose one goal, more often than not the one that is the most pressing when it comes to survival. This is done by assessing the required and likely outcome and also the environmental conditions. We need to pick the goal on the basis of matching its likely success to the moment. So if you glance at the bar and see that there is a long queue (ok, you're not so thirsty that it is a threat to your survival!), then look at the person you want to talk to and see that they are just about to leave, it is not hard to decide where your motivation is going to send you (unless you need the drink first for Dutch courage!).

Emotions and feelings are the precursors of motivation, they set the brain's goals, and our thoughts and actions cascade from these. This is where the therapy comes in. It is the thoughts, behaviours and actions that I can help to alter in a positive way. In doing so, I facilitate the client to realise their dreams, goals and ambitions, by helping them to battle all of the 'buts' and enjoy the benefits of a given situation wisely.

Of course there are many obstacles to motivational energy that will require a certain amount of therapy to overcome, and they include physical, emotional, environmental, relationship, personality, historical, financial and practical issues, but now is not the time and place to delve that deep. However, it is important to know that as your therapist I can work with you on those issues to help you move forwards and achieve your goal.

Before I go there is one final thing that I'd like to mention. It is a tool that I use with my clients and one that also I apply to my own life. Maybe you would like to try it too...

The Motivational Ladder is something that I find very useful and I know that clients I have worked with have also found it useful. It sets out the sub-goals in an order with the first one being at the bottom of the ladder and the final sub-goal at the top of the ladder. Once all of the sub-goals have been achieved the main goal is then also achieved. The motivational ladder can either be drawn on paper or it can be created by using lollypop sticks and writing on them (this is my choice of creating a motivational ladder). If we refer back to the lad who wants to learn to drive, his motivational ladder would read very much like this:

PASS TEST

ATTEND LESSONS

BOOK LESSONS

CHOOSE SUPPLIER

ACQUIRE NECESSARY FUNDS

CHECK FINANCIAL COMMITMENT

FORM A TIMESCALE

RESEARCH LESSONS AVAILABLE

ADDRESS FEAR OF FAILURE

As the motivational ladder goes from the bottom to the top, the first sub-goal is to address the fear of failure and the final sub-goal is to pass the driving test. Motivational ladders can and do work, I find them incredibly useful, and it may do you some good to try this exercise at home.

You can download and print your own Motivational Ladder on the Free Resources page of my website.