Sexuality and Gender Identity

Sexuality. It is a topic that is often the subject of much discussion and controversy, but do people actually have much knowledge about the subject? The purpose of this month's blog is not only discuss how therapy could help someone struggling with issues surrounding their sexuality or gender identity, but also to provide information on what it is to be in a sexual or gender minority. I will be looking at how there are positive and negative attitudes towards individuals who identify themselves as being in a sexual or gender minority. This blog is purely informative, it is not meant to patronise or offend, so please do enjoy reading.

I'm going to start off by going through the different types of sexual and gender minorities, detailing what they are, and also listing some of the derogatory and offensive terms that are sometimes used to describe those certain types of people.

Lesbian: This is the appropriate term to use for a female who is attracted to other females. Offensive and derogatory terms that are sadly sometimes used to describe lesbian women include dyke, lezza and lesbo. All of those terms, and indeed others, are unnacceptable and calling a lesbian woman one of those names is actually a homophobic criminal offence.

Gay: This is an apropriate term for a male who is attracted to other males. The word 'homosexual' is also an acceptable term to use when referring to a gay man. Offensive and derogatory terms that are sadly sometimes used to describe gay men include queer, poof and faggot. All of those terms are unnacceptable and calling a gay man one of those names is also a homophobic criminal offence.

Bisexual: This is the appropriate term to use when referring to a person who is attracted to both males and females. Bisexual people are sometimes called greedy and portrayed as predators who cannot make their mind up about what sexuality they are. Such attitudes, although seen by some as amusing, are actually offensive.

Transgender: This is the appropriate term to use when referring to someone who is in the process, or has gone through the process of becoming the opposite gender. A common misconception is that transgender individuals suddenly decide that they feel like becoming the opposite gender, but the truth is that being a transgender person is to be born in the wrong body and then make the transition to eventually become the gender they were meant to be. Being transgender is a recognised medical condition. Offensive and derogatory terms that are sometimes sadly used to describe a transgender person inclde tranny, freak, thing and it. None of those words are acceptable and calling a transgender person one of those words based on the fact that they are transgender is actually a transphobic criminal offence.

So, there you have it... Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT). They are the four main sexual and gender minorities. Now I am going to discuss how therapy can assist someone with overcoming issues surrounding their sexuality or gender identity.

As well as being a therapist I have also set up a youth support charity for LGBT individuals up to the age of 25. It is called Push Projects and provides advice, guidance, support and a safe place for young people who identify themselves as being LGBT. Part of my role is to run the weekly Push Projects social/support group and ensure that the young people who attend feel safe, able to be themselves and also able to discuss any issues they may have. This entails me using my skills as a therapist so that I can meet those requirements - therapy doesn't just take place in my therapy room! Many of the young LGBT individuals are vulnerable and need a lot of support. This is also the case when it comes to my role as a therapist. Not all of my clients are young people, but some have been LGBT. One massive difference between my work as a therapist and my role in youth support is that in the Push Projects sessions I am able to offer practical advice and guidance to young people. However, in therapy I do not (and cannot) give any advice or guidance to my clients. I can explore options for resolving and working through issues but do not tell the client what they should do.

Issues that LGBT people, old and young, may have include: experiencing homophobia or transphobia, being unable to accept their own sexuality, and being a homophobic homosexual (it does happen!). What I would do in every case is go back to the starting point for those issues. When and where did they begin? Timeline therapy, regression and inner child work are all good tools to utilise when going back to a point in the client's history. By going back to the time when the person's issues started allows both therapist and client to analyse the issue and understand what caused it. With that understanding and level of analysis it then becomes easier for the client to move forwards and work through their issues with the help of a therapist. Obviously it is not as simple and clear cut as this blog may suggest. Some people have deep rooted issues and it could take an individual weeks, months or even years to work through the particular issue they have. Therapy absolutely can and does help though.

When it comes to doing therapy with people struggling with issues around sexuality it is not just LGBT people that I work with. There are some people who are themselves homophobic or transphobic and attend therapy to understand why they are anti-LGBT and to hopefully change their way of thinking. You may be thinking that if someone has such prejudiced attitudes, why would they think they have a problem and attend therapy? The answer to that is that some people do recognise that they are guilty of holding attitudes that are deemed unnacceptable and therefore want to change. Then there are some people who are ordered to attend therapy due to something such as a court order. Whatever the reason, anyone is welcome in my therapy room and any person can make positive changes with the assistance of a therapist if it is what they want to do. When working with someone who is homophobic or transphobic it is important to determine the root cause of the person's attitude and behaviour. Homophobic or transphobic attitudes and behaviours may stem from other people's lack of understanding, their own insecurities about sexuality (they may fear they are LGBT themselves), or it could be due to the way the person was raised (it can be common for people who are raised by homophobic parents to end up being homophobic themselves). Whatever the reason for the negative attitudes and behaviours, as a therapist I will work with the client to determine where they originate and then help the client to slowly make changes in their way of thinking until eventually they are no longer homophobic or transphobic. This may take some time and it is not something that can happen overnight. 

Ways to help a homophobic or transphobic client may include asking them to keep a mood diary (I am a particular fan of mood diaries, belive they are useful, and I use them a lot in therapy) or building up to a point when the client will come face to face with an LGBT person (and hopefully the client does not react negatively to that person!).

There are a number of ways of working with both LGBT people who have issues around their sexuality and 'straight' people who are homophobic/transphobic. The important thing for me to do as a therapist is not judge any client that enters my therapy room. I may not agree with some attitudes or behaviours (I do not like violence or homophobia but I don't like coffee or Liverpool football club either - my point being that just because I do not like something it does not mean I will hold it against a person who is violent or homophobic or who supports Liverpool!), but that doesn't come into the work that I do and I believe in offering every person the same opportunity to reach their goal.